Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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