Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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