yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize