omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
