is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sext me about skeletons
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
