Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I would ride that face into the sunset
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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