Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
