her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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