And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Never underestimate the power of titties
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
