I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
