guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
