I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize