I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
