I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize