i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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