They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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