her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
