I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
