I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize