next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
