office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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