I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
