apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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