Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I touched a dick in church today
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize