Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
