The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
