Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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