I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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