Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
