I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
