someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
