Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
