You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
