I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
