I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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