did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
