So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
