Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
