That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
