is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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