Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
