Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
