The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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