I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
