Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
