I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
