i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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