did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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