You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize