Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
