Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
