Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
