I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
