"it" just moved
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
