yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
