just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So squirting runs in the family.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
