Will you blow on my dice?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
