Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
