New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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