Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
