Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
