Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
