Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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