Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
