Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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