I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
