I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
