He had one of those small greek statue penises
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
