Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
