So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He better not be in your backpack
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
