you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize