I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
