god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
