he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
