You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
