i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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