Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
