eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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