If i come over, it means nothing
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
