Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
