shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
