just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's never too late to be topless.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
