he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize