I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
