i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize