can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
