Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
