i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
