Your tits are I can't wait for
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we're so committed to being not committed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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