You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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