Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my liver is dry heaving
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
