It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
