I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
