That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can text with my tongue
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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