But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
