I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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