he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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