what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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