tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
