I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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