i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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