the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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