Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize