I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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