Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
