So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
