he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize