Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
