my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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