My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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