He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
