I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
