You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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