You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
