Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
