Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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