In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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